Sunday, April 26, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
decisions, decisions...
Is April Fool's Day ever actually humorous post grade school? I feel as though it would be a touch on the cheeky side to feed you some lie about how I'm pregnant or I've eloped or I'm moving or I won the lottery. Of all 365 days on the calendar, you're least likely to get away with it today. Even if the stars align and have left you with a reality that sounds like it's fictional, no one will believe you today. Try as you might, that miraculous promotion will be scoffed at. Isn't it pointless to play? Isn't that something that's only acceptable when we're 12? Or maybe if we work for Michael Scott?
That being said, I'm going to completely disregard today's date and be straight up with you. I'm at a crossroads. A few months ago I was forced to make a decision. That decision ended up being that, whether I wanted to move or not, it would be in my best financial interests to stay in Hawaii. Detroit is fucked. Even if I had the assets to move, that is not the environment I want to be in. So I stayed and found a certain level of content with my life. Three months later, I am presented with a new decision. I know this is where I need to be for now. I'm okay with that. I have a semi-lucrative job. I'm dating someone. I have a mediocre social life. However, now I'm beginning to see that should I want to exert the effort to begin a life here there are choices I can make to facilitate that decision. In other words, should this be more of a long term thing I need to start making life easier. This living situation, as is, is not ideal. Scratch that, ideal is not even an option at this point. This is not a long term situation. Crazy Mary Jane aside, I do not want to pay this price, especially since I could get more furnishings for a cheaper rent. We occasionally have an unexplainable roach problem, which is unacceptable in my eyes, especially when I find one on my bed like I did an hour ago. I love living with Marya, but if I'm elsewhere in Waikiki we can still have our fun.
My creative and professional needs are also not fulfilled. Buca is easy. It's easy money. It's stressful and annoying, but the only people I have in Hawaii are there. And there is fun. You know, when I'm not irritated. Yet I'm capable of and have experienced so much more that it's not really a long term option. If it is, I need something else in my life to satisfy me. Oprah visited recently and I filled him in on my situation. He made me promise that no matter what and above all else, that I will write. Not blog, but write something. Anything. He even gave permission to use him as fodder. That would be something. Who knows where it would lead, but it's something more.
Vegas is a much needed reprieve from all these thoughts. It's a much needed vacation from Buca. And seeing Andy will help. Just the fact that I've known him for so long and therefore he knows me so well will give me some perspective. I'm sure of that. It may also be difficult to return to a social situation where I don't have that kind of connection. Then again, it was difficult to leave it in the first place.
That being said, I'm going to completely disregard today's date and be straight up with you. I'm at a crossroads. A few months ago I was forced to make a decision. That decision ended up being that, whether I wanted to move or not, it would be in my best financial interests to stay in Hawaii. Detroit is fucked. Even if I had the assets to move, that is not the environment I want to be in. So I stayed and found a certain level of content with my life. Three months later, I am presented with a new decision. I know this is where I need to be for now. I'm okay with that. I have a semi-lucrative job. I'm dating someone. I have a mediocre social life. However, now I'm beginning to see that should I want to exert the effort to begin a life here there are choices I can make to facilitate that decision. In other words, should this be more of a long term thing I need to start making life easier. This living situation, as is, is not ideal. Scratch that, ideal is not even an option at this point. This is not a long term situation. Crazy Mary Jane aside, I do not want to pay this price, especially since I could get more furnishings for a cheaper rent. We occasionally have an unexplainable roach problem, which is unacceptable in my eyes, especially when I find one on my bed like I did an hour ago. I love living with Marya, but if I'm elsewhere in Waikiki we can still have our fun.
My creative and professional needs are also not fulfilled. Buca is easy. It's easy money. It's stressful and annoying, but the only people I have in Hawaii are there. And there is fun. You know, when I'm not irritated. Yet I'm capable of and have experienced so much more that it's not really a long term option. If it is, I need something else in my life to satisfy me. Oprah visited recently and I filled him in on my situation. He made me promise that no matter what and above all else, that I will write. Not blog, but write something. Anything. He even gave permission to use him as fodder. That would be something. Who knows where it would lead, but it's something more.
Vegas is a much needed reprieve from all these thoughts. It's a much needed vacation from Buca. And seeing Andy will help. Just the fact that I've known him for so long and therefore he knows me so well will give me some perspective. I'm sure of that. It may also be difficult to return to a social situation where I don't have that kind of connection. Then again, it was difficult to leave it in the first place.
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