you got me so crazy in love

So in love.

While I can't regret past relationships due to the learning experiences they provided, I wish I could at least have consolidated those experiences into a shorter span of time. I mean, why did it take me four and a half years to understand that marrying what's-his-name was the last thing I wanted? Wait, I know the answer to that. I didn't know any better cause it was my first serious relationship. I didn't have the necessary prior knowledge. Now that I've gathered it, I can recognize how good I have it. Definitely more confident.

Perfect happiness. No red flags. No anxiety over what will happen. He is all I want or need, end of story.

My opinions on relationships have changed too. I used to take pride in a no swearing policy. What's-his-face and I would fight, especially towards the end, but any time someone busted out an obscenity I would put a kibosh on it. I didn't believe that two people that loved each other needed to talk like that. And, to a certain extent, I still believe that's true. I'm not condoning rudeness, verbal abuse or blatant misogyny. But sometimes an f bomb slips out, especially if you tend to have a potty mouth. And if two people love each other, they know they love each other. They are confident in that love and aren't going to get all butthurt cause you swore at me, boohoo. I'm sure my reprimands mid-fight only escalated things between what's-his-face and me. Doesn't matter, there were loads of other issues. Those fights were wrought with miscommunications. And the entire relationship was plagued by an utter lack of communication and the big old fact that we didn't belong together.

The nearly two year disaster of a relationship with da kine should have never happened in the first place. The elephant in the room was that I was rarely attracted to him, if ever. Big problem that can never be over looked. But hey, I was adulated, which I confused with love. And at the time, I thought that's what I needed. At the time, I thought the fact that we NEVER fought was something rare and to be treasured. Surely, this is what healthy relationships are supposed to be like. No confrontation is very tempting for a nonconfrontational person. Then slowly I began to realize that no fighting EVER either means a) you don't care enough to put up a fight or b) you don't have enough self-respect to do so. For us, I was option a and he was option b. No bueno.

Now I am lucky enough to have a perfectly communicative partner...and by partner, I mean equal. We are a team. We fight occasionally, but we resolve quickly and there's never any lingering bad feelings haunting us. We're honest with each other, because that's only fair. And sometimes, when the situation is appropriate, an obscenity might slip out. Not to hurt the other person, cause you don't do that to people you love (or at least you shouldn't), but to keep each other in check. And at the end of the day, we are still always completely in love.