Okay, it's storytime, boys and girls. Today in Barnes and Noble Ala Moana a mahu (assisted by two friends, one of which was also a mahu) changed her clothes in the middle of the children's section. I could've never predicted a more entertaining start to the new year. It was like a gift from God.
I wish I had photographic evidence. I tried, but it would've been too obvious.
Let me preface this by stating that there were no children in the area at the time of these events.
1. Take leopard print heels off.
2. Remove booty shorts with broken fly, revealing nude colored satin granny panties.
3. Bend over to search through purse, leaving nothing to audience's imagination. Definitely pre-op, my friends.
4. Sit down on the floor to pull on fishnets.
5. After finally noticing stares of disapproval (and even one older man storming off, muttering about hell and the declining state of society) comment, "Wait, is this inappropriate or something? Should we go to the bathroom?"
6. Squeeze yourself into new denim booty shorts with faded stars on them a la 1995.
7. Take off shirt to reveal black strapless bra.
8. Have your friends help you squeeze into flowered bustier, because that's what friends are for.
9. Finish with a black fringy shawl/jacket thing...because, after all, you're a lady.
10. Get admonished by another employee for sitting on the floor. Because the only thing that pisses off Barnes and Noble more than stripping down to your skivvies in public is sitting on their floor.
11. Put heels back on.
It was like watching a train wreck. Except more appropriate to laugh at because no one died.
Showing posts with label clothes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label clothes. Show all posts
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
they're half pajama, half jeans!
I'm intrigued by pajama jeans.
I've never called on an infomercial before. Hell, Andy and I used to mock them for hours into the night, mainly for the atrocious acting. And, let's be honest, the pajama jeans are most likely a bad idea. It's hard to tell without having them in my hands, but I'm sure the fabric is questionable. And I'm almost positive they're meant for skinny girls. I've never been one to order clothes online or through a catalog. You can't take the chance when you've got an ass like mine. I always have to try something on first.
Yet I really want a pair.
Price is another concern. I don't spend $40 on any one item of clothing, unless it's for a special occasion. Or maybe a really nice pair of black dress pants, in which case I'd get more than $40 use out of them. Jeans that are half pajamas though? No. Even my Lucky jeans were on sale at Nordstrom rack for $30.
I've never called on an infomercial before. Hell, Andy and I used to mock them for hours into the night, mainly for the atrocious acting. And, let's be honest, the pajama jeans are most likely a bad idea. It's hard to tell without having them in my hands, but I'm sure the fabric is questionable. And I'm almost positive they're meant for skinny girls. I've never been one to order clothes online or through a catalog. You can't take the chance when you've got an ass like mine. I always have to try something on first.
Yet I really want a pair.
Price is another concern. I don't spend $40 on any one item of clothing, unless it's for a special occasion. Or maybe a really nice pair of black dress pants, in which case I'd get more than $40 use out of them. Jeans that are half pajamas though? No. Even my Lucky jeans were on sale at Nordstrom rack for $30.
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