Emily's wedding is at the end of this month. I have been looking forward to this for months, setting aside bits of cash in order to make it happen. Not to give the impression that I've ever been one of those girls to daydream over those nauseating details of which color pink and what kind of lace to choose. I'm much more practical when it comes to envisioning my own nuptials. But were I in Michigan, I would have been more than willing to participate in wedding planning with her. The simple fact that I won't be there to see it kills me.
I would have loved to have Mike go with me, to show him off and have him meet all the people near and dear to me, but that was never really feasible. And now it seems that my attendance isn't feasible either.
The rsvp was due at the beginning of this month and, despite knowing for quite some time that I couldn't attend, I just couldn't bring myself to mail that definitive "no" to her. I kept hoping for something, for this hurts me more than she knows. Somehow, it's harder to take than anything else I've missed out on living this far from the world I knew. I didn't want to disappoint...or possibly I was afraid that I was more disappointed than she.
I love Hawaii, but at this point I'm almost resenting it for keeping me so far from the things that mean so much to me. I don't want to live in Michigan, but I don't want to live somewhere where I feel cut off either.
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