deep thoughts by megan

Sometimes it's exhausting being me.

That sounds slightly (or completely) narcissistic, but I guess blogging itself is a narcissistic act so I'm already screwed in that respect. Who am I to assume you care about my various musings or opinions? Well, I certainly don't write in order to receive approval. Hell, I don't care who reads this, if anyone actually does...I just need to get it out. Out of my head, out of myself.

I still dwell on my visit back to Michigan. I feel like a normal person would have moved on by now, but my brain seems to live in constant overdrive. Rehashing, analyzing, and complicating experiences that have happened, are happening, or could happen to me. Maybe it's my OCD tendencies or maybe it's the fact that I seem to care a little too much, but it's quite exhausting, not to mention futile.

Or maybe this is just normal. I think it's underestimated just how much of a sap I am. I can't just forget the fact that my Grandma is gone. I can't act like I'm not homesick. I can't forget the conversation my Dad and I had while he was several scotches in and I was two martinis deep. I can't forget how much family and friends mean to me and how empty Hawaii (with the exception of Mike) makes me feel in comparison.

I have just never been able to come to terms with who I was then and who I am now. It's a love hate relationship with no reasonable solution. And at this point, the only answer is to figure out who I do and don't want to become.

Maybe that's where the answer lies.