so long, farewell....

Borders is closing??? I am not emotionally prepared for this.



On one hand, I anticipate the awesome going-out-of-business sales over the next couple months. However, I have next to zero self-control when it comes to buying books. Dangerous? Perhaps. But if I'm going to buy the damn things why not get them on sale, right?

Also, where will I read for free now? Sometimes, like when I intentionally don't bring cash or plastic with me, I enjoy lingering for a few hours with a cup of coffee and reading a book FOR FREE. It's pretty awesome. Hawaii's hot, so you're in the air conditioning for one. If the book sucks, you can put it back and pick a new one. There's no residual guilt for spending $15 on something that will inevitably just gather dust on your bookshelf. Now what am I supposed to do? Go to the library? I've done it before, but the idea takes some getting used to. I am a book snob.

I'm not a fan of Barnes and Noble. Okay, that's a slight over-dramatization because I've got myself all fired up over this. I prefer Borders over Barnes and Noble. Borders membership is easier to maintain and provides you with more and much better deals than B&N's cheap ass "discounts." B&N throws around the Starbucks label in their coffee shop when they merely just brew Starbucks coffee. I have no clue why this aggravates me so, but it does. Their seating options are minimal and all but a few suck. Plus, for the majority of their seats you have to have a coffee in hand to sit there. Not that I usually don't have a coffee in hand and not that I'm exactly clear on Borders' cafe guidelines, but this just strikes me as unfriendly and money-grubbing. I have no reception in B&N, but I'm only speaking in reference to the one location. My most convincing and rational argument is that there have been at least half a dozen instances of entering B&N looking for something specific, because it is actually more convenient for me to get to than Borders, but they never have it. Crap, I say!

Plus, as a Michigander, I have a little pride that Borders started in A2. Maybe this affects my perception of both chains, but because I know it's origins, I view Borders more as the friendly liberal college town bookstore while I view B&N as the elitist east coast capitalistic bookstore. Michigan doesn't have much to boast about, so this is an unfortunate loss. Why couldn't Kid Rock have gone out of business instead?

megan, the coffee slut

Why is it that I frequent certain bars every other week or so and I end up being charged for only one drink out of several, yet I go to the capitalistic entity known as Starbucks every single day (sometimes twice) and yet I get nothing? In both establishments my name and my "usual" beverage are known, but only at Starbucks is that kind of loyal patronage not rewarded.

Not that I expect or demand anything for free. I'm not a cheap ass. I go there for the coffee, just as I go to a bar for booze (usually there's a certain social element as well). The recognition and personal greeting are rewards themselves. And I am usually not charged for an extra shot of espresso or a flavor addition. Yet after years of devoted caffeine consumption and Lord knows how much money spent (really, I don't wanna know...) you'd think they could slip a free latte across the counter for me occasionally.

a letter: aloha, japanese women...

I am concerned about you. Your behavior at the local Waikiki Starbucks each afternoon has convinced me that you're either crazy or mentally deficient (possibly both). Out of the two, I'd opt for crazy. I don't mean to single you out. My intentions are good. I tell you this because I have realized you might not be aware that your actions are in any way unusual. In order to make our coexistence a little easier (especially since we frequent the same caffeine mecca), I am willing to help.

Just a piece of advise to the young lady in front of me in line earlier this week, if you have some kind of alarming or unsightly skin condition please dress appropriately. People cannot be trusted not to stare. People are inherently rude. Long sleeves and pants may seem an extreme option in Hawaii, but there are lightweight material options (i.e. linen) that won't make you sweat to death. The rest of us (for the most part) dress for our body type. For you, this should include whatever funky scaly business you have going on.

To the older woman who sat down, albeit briefly, next to me this afternoon, why that seat? Most people have something called personal space. The outside seating at Starbucks is quite extensive. There are individual tables in order to provide some measure of privacy. I realize it appeared as though I was seated by myself at a large table that would accommodate the rest of your group, but the scattering of personal affects across from me indicated that I was not alone (heaven forbid someone take a bathroom break). Out of the other five chairs at the table was it necessary to sit in the one right beside mine? Especially since I was facing your direction already and was forced to change my position to avoid feeling completely weirded out by your intrusive presence? Instead of feeling weirded out, I had to settle for simply uncomfortable. Was it necessary to sit at my table at all considering I could easily spot other seating options a mere ten feet away? The situation didn't strike you as awkward? Your daughter certainly thought it was, or at least that is what I assume she was telling you when she discovered you there because you immediately moved over to the next table. I can't be sure though, since I don't speak Japanese. Hopefully she educated you further about American customs and how we get freaked out if you invade our personal bubble.

Most importantly, please stop feeding the birds, you crazy bitches!!! There are multiple signs posted in the area for your perusal at any time.



Not only that, but they are most kindly written in both English and...yes, JAPANESE! Thanks to your incompetence, or perhaps it's just a rebellious penchant for breaking rules, the entire patio area is like a Hitchcock movie revival. Both my friend and I have already been attacked by both the pigeons and sparrows. She got smacked in the face a few times by a pigeon and I got dive bombed by an innocent looking sparrow. Lord help you the day one of them poops on me.

Not only do you insist on feeding them, but then once they begin congregating around your little buffet you react in pure terror. Hello? Have you not put two and two together? This is why there's signs. You feed them and they will come. If you don't like it, then stop. But no, you keep doing it! And I'm not talking about one instance. This is a daily occurrence. Please stop.

That is all for now. I hope there's no hard feelings. I don't hate you. I admire your brave and curious ventures into the realm of fashion. I think the majority of your children are adorable and well-behaved, which is a rarity in this world, so kudos on that. Glad we could be straight-forward with each other and I'll see you tomorrow for coffee!

Peace and love,
Megan