You are officially the worst cab driver I have ever had. Upon realizing your confusion after informing you of my destination, I gave you clear instructions as to your next two turns. Very simple. There was a reason why I gave those instructions...so I could get home faster and, therefore, cheaper. Instead, you decided to ignore me and take the freaking long way, thus increasing my fare and decreasing your tip. I'm not along for a joy ride, buddy. I'm tired and cranky after a double. Listen to the directions next time.
After making it on to Keeaumoku you insisted on driving 20mph and stopping for every red light you could manage to locate. Do you think you're being sly? You think I won't notice? Do you need me to show you how the gas pedal works?
And then when crossing the overpass you get in the left lane and turn your blinker on, as if we're getting on the H-1. Honestly, do you even have your driver's license? What part of "Makiki" don't you understand? It was a simple mile away, why did you think we'd be getting on the freeway?
Where did you think we were going???
I'm sorry I gave you a crappy tip, but you really suck. Perhaps you should get a new job.
Showing posts with label letter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letter. Show all posts
Friday, April 29, 2011
Sunday, April 18, 2010
a letter: dear flat-iron kiosk lady at ala moana
Let's, for one moment, ignore the fact that this is certainly not the first time you've accosted me while I shop. Let's instead pretend that I've never tried to avoid eye contact with you as I hurriedly rush by, trying to feign interest in whatever items are available in the nearest store window.
Why are you asking me if I want to try your product? Now, I know it is not YOUR product. I know you are simply trying to pay the bills. Chances are you did not invent that miraculous flat-iron you have there. Nor did you manufacture it. Times are rough and I am sympathetic to your plight. You took an unsatisfactory job because it was a job. But look at my hair. Pray tell, what are you going to show me? My hair is stick straight. Why? Because I straightened it earlier today with my own flat-iron. If your job is to sell me on that flat-iron, what incredulous and persuasive results do you expect to get from the experience? Do you expect me to go for it? I don't understand. Are you even trying at your job anymore?
I don't blame you if you aren't.
Perhaps sales isn't your future.
Sincerely,
Concerned Patron
Why are you asking me if I want to try your product? Now, I know it is not YOUR product. I know you are simply trying to pay the bills. Chances are you did not invent that miraculous flat-iron you have there. Nor did you manufacture it. Times are rough and I am sympathetic to your plight. You took an unsatisfactory job because it was a job. But look at my hair. Pray tell, what are you going to show me? My hair is stick straight. Why? Because I straightened it earlier today with my own flat-iron. If your job is to sell me on that flat-iron, what incredulous and persuasive results do you expect to get from the experience? Do you expect me to go for it? I don't understand. Are you even trying at your job anymore?
I don't blame you if you aren't.
Perhaps sales isn't your future.
Sincerely,
Concerned Patron
Monday, January 12, 2009
a letter: aloha, japanese women...
I am concerned about you. Your behavior at the local Waikiki Starbucks each afternoon has convinced me that you're either crazy or mentally deficient (possibly both). Out of the two, I'd opt for crazy. I don't mean to single you out. My intentions are good. I tell you this because I have realized you might not be aware that your actions are in any way unusual. In order to make our coexistence a little easier (especially since we frequent the same caffeine mecca), I am willing to help.
Just a piece of advise to the young lady in front of me in line earlier this week, if you have some kind of alarming or unsightly skin condition please dress appropriately. People cannot be trusted not to stare. People are inherently rude. Long sleeves and pants may seem an extreme option in Hawaii, but there are lightweight material options (i.e. linen) that won't make you sweat to death. The rest of us (for the most part) dress for our body type. For you, this should include whatever funky scaly business you have going on.
To the older woman who sat down, albeit briefly, next to me this afternoon, why that seat? Most people have something called personal space. The outside seating at Starbucks is quite extensive. There are individual tables in order to provide some measure of privacy. I realize it appeared as though I was seated by myself at a large table that would accommodate the rest of your group, but the scattering of personal affects across from me indicated that I was not alone (heaven forbid someone take a bathroom break). Out of the other five chairs at the table was it necessary to sit in the one right beside mine? Especially since I was facing your direction already and was forced to change my position to avoid feeling completely weirded out by your intrusive presence? Instead of feeling weirded out, I had to settle for simply uncomfortable. Was it necessary to sit at my table at all considering I could easily spot other seating options a mere ten feet away? The situation didn't strike you as awkward? Your daughter certainly thought it was, or at least that is what I assume she was telling you when she discovered you there because you immediately moved over to the next table. I can't be sure though, since I don't speak Japanese. Hopefully she educated you further about American customs and how we get freaked out if you invade our personal bubble.
Most importantly, please stop feeding the birds, you crazy bitches!!! There are multiple signs posted in the area for your perusal at any time.
Not only that, but they are most kindly written in both English and...yes, JAPANESE! Thanks to your incompetence, or perhaps it's just a rebellious penchant for breaking rules, the entire patio area is like a Hitchcock movie revival. Both my friend and I have already been attacked by both the pigeons and sparrows. She got smacked in the face a few times by a pigeon and I got dive bombed by an innocent looking sparrow. Lord help you the day one of them poops on me.
Not only do you insist on feeding them, but then once they begin congregating around your little buffet you react in pure terror. Hello? Have you not put two and two together? This is why there's signs. You feed them and they will come. If you don't like it, then stop. But no, you keep doing it! And I'm not talking about one instance. This is a daily occurrence. Please stop.
That is all for now. I hope there's no hard feelings. I don't hate you. I admire your brave and curious ventures into the realm of fashion. I think the majority of your children are adorable and well-behaved, which is a rarity in this world, so kudos on that. Glad we could be straight-forward with each other and I'll see you tomorrow for coffee!
Peace and love,
Megan
Just a piece of advise to the young lady in front of me in line earlier this week, if you have some kind of alarming or unsightly skin condition please dress appropriately. People cannot be trusted not to stare. People are inherently rude. Long sleeves and pants may seem an extreme option in Hawaii, but there are lightweight material options (i.e. linen) that won't make you sweat to death. The rest of us (for the most part) dress for our body type. For you, this should include whatever funky scaly business you have going on.
To the older woman who sat down, albeit briefly, next to me this afternoon, why that seat? Most people have something called personal space. The outside seating at Starbucks is quite extensive. There are individual tables in order to provide some measure of privacy. I realize it appeared as though I was seated by myself at a large table that would accommodate the rest of your group, but the scattering of personal affects across from me indicated that I was not alone (heaven forbid someone take a bathroom break). Out of the other five chairs at the table was it necessary to sit in the one right beside mine? Especially since I was facing your direction already and was forced to change my position to avoid feeling completely weirded out by your intrusive presence? Instead of feeling weirded out, I had to settle for simply uncomfortable. Was it necessary to sit at my table at all considering I could easily spot other seating options a mere ten feet away? The situation didn't strike you as awkward? Your daughter certainly thought it was, or at least that is what I assume she was telling you when she discovered you there because you immediately moved over to the next table. I can't be sure though, since I don't speak Japanese. Hopefully she educated you further about American customs and how we get freaked out if you invade our personal bubble.
Most importantly, please stop feeding the birds, you crazy bitches!!! There are multiple signs posted in the area for your perusal at any time.
Not only that, but they are most kindly written in both English and...yes, JAPANESE! Thanks to your incompetence, or perhaps it's just a rebellious penchant for breaking rules, the entire patio area is like a Hitchcock movie revival. Both my friend and I have already been attacked by both the pigeons and sparrows. She got smacked in the face a few times by a pigeon and I got dive bombed by an innocent looking sparrow. Lord help you the day one of them poops on me.
Not only do you insist on feeding them, but then once they begin congregating around your little buffet you react in pure terror. Hello? Have you not put two and two together? This is why there's signs. You feed them and they will come. If you don't like it, then stop. But no, you keep doing it! And I'm not talking about one instance. This is a daily occurrence. Please stop.
That is all for now. I hope there's no hard feelings. I don't hate you. I admire your brave and curious ventures into the realm of fashion. I think the majority of your children are adorable and well-behaved, which is a rarity in this world, so kudos on that. Glad we could be straight-forward with each other and I'll see you tomorrow for coffee!
Peace and love,
Megan
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