a lot of change will do you good

Last year sucked, with the exception of finding the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but this year has slowly been looking up. Taking that into account, I am now in the position to view the future a little more hopefully. Not that I'm not a hopeful individual normally. It's just that maybe my hopes seem a little more probable now.

Mike and I have had several emotional discussions involving our future and what exactly we want that to be. Of course there is a certain amount of compromise involved, as with any relationship, but, for the most part, we are on the same page. I am pretty resolute on not settling down here in Hawaii. Not that I don't love it here. But when it comes to locations on the mainland compromise plays a huge part.

Compromise is a funny thing. It's necessary in maintaining peace, but it never has a positive connotation. Neither party will ever admit it, but it means that no one is entirely happy. Of course, when it comes to love, happiness can also be gained from seeing your significant other happy. When it comes to your choice for where to eat dinner it's a little less significant than more pressing life choices. And it seems that with larger choices, like where to buy a house and raise a family, that even with compromise somebody is always a little more satisfied than the other.

In this case, I'm not sure who that is?

Mike has said that he'd be happy staying in Hawaii. He's also said he's open to moving. He also loves me and would honestly move to the moon if I wanted. Which sounds completely awesome, in theory, if only I weren't willing to do anything to see him happy. So we compromise. I get to be on the mainland, within a plane ticket to my parents and a long car ride to my sister. I get seasons. We're also relatively close to his family, when and if we ever decide to venture down that crazy road. Plus, he gets to be a California resident again. (He's also super stoked about my attaining that status. I'm just sort of whatever about it lol.) It's exciting and clearly just in the discussion phase still, but it's a more serious discussion than it would have been a year ago. And that's something. Hopefully a year from now it'll be even more real.

So what does everyone think of South Lake Tahoe?????

wish i was going to the chapel today

Emily got married today.

It kills me that I wasn't there. And yet somehow I feel like I'm being overly dramatic. I texted Andy and my brother from another mother about taking extra pictures and I felt as though I was overstepping my bounds. Or just being needy. Or exhausting.

I'm viewed as an important guest that just couldn't make it. Not as the best friend that tried their hardest to be there, but had to pay their rent instead. Then again, I'm not even standing up in the damn thing.

Let's be clear. Emily will be my maid of honor. Strike that, now matron of honor.

Friendship has changed for me out here. Not so much the definition, just the quantity and quality, which is why I still value certain friendships so highly after all this time.

is that too much to ask?

Damn Hawaii and it's inability to provide a Wendy's that doesn't require an hour bus ride.



All I want is to dip my fries in a Frosty.

love is...

Love is plucking each other's eyebrows regularly so you don't go out into society looking like a hot mess.

i remember when men gave her clammy hands

Emily's wedding is at the end of this month. I have been looking forward to this for months, setting aside bits of cash in order to make it happen. Not to give the impression that I've ever been one of those girls to daydream over those nauseating details of which color pink and what kind of lace to choose. I'm much more practical when it comes to envisioning my own nuptials. But were I in Michigan, I would have been more than willing to participate in wedding planning with her. The simple fact that I won't be there to see it kills me.

I would have loved to have Mike go with me, to show him off and have him meet all the people near and dear to me, but that was never really feasible. And now it seems that my attendance isn't feasible either.

The rsvp was due at the beginning of this month and, despite knowing for quite some time that I couldn't attend, I just couldn't bring myself to mail that definitive "no" to her. I kept hoping for something, for this hurts me more than she knows. Somehow, it's harder to take than anything else I've missed out on living this far from the world I knew. I didn't want to disappoint...or possibly I was afraid that I was more disappointed than she.

I love Hawaii, but at this point I'm almost resenting it for keeping me so far from the things that mean so much to me. I don't want to live in Michigan, but I don't want to live somewhere where I feel cut off either.

and to think she licks my hand with that mouth

Lucy just scarfed down a gecko. It was both the most revolting and the most mesmerizing thing I've ever seen. I really barely even have words.

flying robo-kitty!

This video leaves me speechless. Mostly because I'm laughing so hard. Which is completely inappropriate.



If Lucy pees on anything else I think this is what her future holds.


And I just realized my last post talked about cat pee. Awkward.