Okay, so I got a month's head start. That's even better, right? Plus, let's face it, New Year's resolutions are usually full of shit anyways. I don't want to make resolutions. I prefer healthy decisions.
So I've tried to remain as consistent as possible about the gym. Sometimes it's better than others and obviously something is better than nothing, but it's difficult to get into a routine with my work schedule. I tried going at night after I'm pau, but my foot is sometimes already killing me at that point. (I failed to mention I discovered I have a torn 2nd metatarsal after a doctor's visit about 2 months ago. That's why I've been in gradually more pain for the last year and there's really nothing they can do other than surgery.) After my managing shifts I'm just too pooped and, honestly, I usually desire an alcoholic beverage or two after those shifts so the point is kind of moot anyways. I write those two days off as "freebies." The other obstacle is not having a car. Going to the gym can't be something spontaneous for me. I have to plan it out. Plan my day out. When do I work? When is the bus? Do I have time to go and still be ready for work? Should I just pay the money and cab it? Etc.
At the same time, I no longer hate it. I don't necessarily enjoy it, at least not in the hedonistic sense of the word, but I get into it. I can drive myself and run longer. I push myself rather than just doing the minimum and getting the hell out of there lol.
Another milestone for me would be attending therapy. It's been a while in the making. My anxiety has increasingly become more overwhelming so I inquired with HMSA to see what the coverage was like. It was pretty damn good so there was not much argument to be made there. It's been almost 2 months now and I guess I'm still on the fence. Not that it hasn't helped to talk certain things out. I can see improvements. At the same time my cynical nature scoffs at the reading material she provides me with. Pretend I'm a tree and imagine my roots? Talk to my inner child? You've got to be kidding me? I don't do psychobabble bullshit. I'm not a tree. I'm not a child. Enough said.
At first it was such a relief to hear that so many of my personality traits or characteristics were common for people with anxiety. It was reaffirming. I felt like I belonged or made sense. And now, a month and then some later, I feel like I'm typecast into that mold. Anxiety or not, I'm still me. I'm unique. I'm not in a textbook somewhere. Yes, certain things about me may fit that textbook definition. I have control issues. I'm a perfectionist. But knowing that about me, knowing that I have anxiety, does not sum me up.
I'm gonna stick with it for now. After all, the woman is a career counselor and, Lord knows, I need one of those. But I don't need therapy sessions for someone to tell me what I'm like.
It goes hand in hand. Making changes because they're healthy is just as important as making changes because they're unhealthy.
Here's to a new year!
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