match.com can suck donkey balls

There's a commercial on TV right now for one of those online dating sites boasting all the "real" couples that they've created. I get depressed when watching it. The couples are pictured doing all sorts of things. Strolling the beach and getting knocked around by the ocean, dating outside, kissing underwater in a pool. Throw in some snorkeling, horseback riding, and salsa dancing and you're good.

So while watching this commercial I get uncomfortable. My relationship isn't bad. I understand why these commercials are designed. It's like holding your favorite romantic comedy as your ideal relationship standard. But the glaring fact that he doesn't want to do ANYTHING EVER is kind of a killjoy. I understand that the majority of life's moments aren't going to involve skydiving or adrenaline of any kind. There's a nice simplicity in that, but I personally don't love the TV and couch that much. I like a little adventure.

While watching this commercial they sell me for just a second. That maybe my love isn't as good cause I'm not hiking a mountain everyday.

Yet when he's watching he gets all romantic and snuggly. Our reaction is like night and day. He's all proud of me, like we've got something even better. But why can't he just get motivated to get off his ass once in a while? I've expressed my desire to get to the beach in the last month after we moved, and yet nothing. I know he works so much right now and I don't want my appreciation for that to be lost, but isn't that all the more reason to live?

singapore is nice this time of year

I apologize. There really is no excuse for neglecting you, so I'm just going to lie and tell you I spent the last month in Singapore. A military table left me two Singaporean dollars in their tip so I thought it would be a ridiculous waste not to travel there to use it. Okay, so half of that is true. You decide which half.

But I digress...

A lot has happened in a month. I've decided to go back to school to get my Master's...in nursing. Random? Maybe, but not for those that have been privy to my inner musings. Difficult? Probably, but I am long overdue for an academic challenge. The right choice? I think so? As with most of life, it's a bit of a gamble, but I think I'll like it and I know it'll be worth the effort and money. So, why the hell not?

Despite a three week reprieve from the perpetually naked Amazonian roommate (who visited her Viking ancestors in the lovely state of Minnesota), the living situation has continued to decline. Within hours of her return to Hawaii I saw her naked ass as I walked down the hall to the bathroom. When you're 6 feet tall you should not be wearing little sundresses made to fit an 13 year old schoolgirl. And you should certainly not go commando in them. And, by all means, if you are, please keep your door closed when you're going to bend over and grab something off the floor.

She's still not working, which is somewhat due to a miscommunication with management, but mostly because she's lazy and her parents will give her money. I wouldn't care other than the fact that she's now constantly home, which forces me to either hide in the room or leave the house. I just don't want to see that much of her (in more ways than one). On top of that, they've both been off this week and they had a friend in town. So the living room has been off limits because they've done nothing but sit in front of the TV. Which is fine, it is their TV. But it means that on all three of my days off (and two for the boyfriend), we've been hibernating in our room...all day long.

The bottom line is, I need my own place.

So today we applied for one. It's the same amount we're paying right now, which was not the original plan, but at this point it'll be worth it just to be out.

Cross your fingers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'd rather watch it's always sunny

So much to write about, but no desire to do so.

so long, lost!

Thoughts or opinions on the last season and series finale? I've heard a lot over the last few months. This show generated more heated debated than any other I've watched. It's followers are passionate. I have friends that missed maybe two episodes of the last season and are legitimately pissed off because they were lost (pun intended) during the finale. Something was mentioned about "alienating your fans," but I still made the point that ABC offers the entire season online for your viewing pleasure.

While I still have a sense of confusion about it all, I think it was wrapped up neatly enough. There might be loopholes, but there are no loose ends. I respect them for not making the island a dream or a version of purgatory. That would have been too easy, too obvious. Yet, they didn't go completely off the deep end and pull a "it was all a dream" a la Dallas. I'm satisfied, even if other hardcore fans aren't.

don't judge

Ugh, just spilled my glass of wine because of the condensation on the outside of the glass! Slippery devil! Seemed like no major damage at first. The only prized item in the line of fire was my phone, but that was functioning normal. I believe the case saved it. After reapplying the case (without checking to make sure if it was dry) my phone is now acting up. Soooooooooo it's now chilling in a vat of rice. Let's cross our fingers.

Ooooooooooo I do love my droid. And I so do NOT want to pay my $50 insurance fee.

On a somewhat, in some way, related note. The boyfriend is watching The Dark Knight while attempting to fall asleep. Due to my recent phone trauma and loss of wine I have resumed my insomniac tendencies. I had little desire to watch aforementioned movie, but after the agitation of the pinot grigio flood I decided to depart and find my entertainment on other TVs. Sleep will not be happening any time soon.

Please remind me, my phone may very well be alright and if not, it's not the end of the world!!! And it was an honest accident! Oh the judgment inherent in drowning (exaggeration!) your beloved phone in a glass of wine. Oi vey!

i live in a topless bar?

Aside from our electric bill's steady increase, there are other "issues" with the current living situation. What's with me and living situations in Hawaii? Is it me? I don't think I'm overreacting or being irrational.

The estrogen half of our roommate couple, already prone to walking around in panties that are 3 sizes too small so that her lady bits are not left to anyone's imagination (or worse, short dresses without panties underneath) has now taken to walking around in short shorts and a lovely topless ensemble. She always has her hand wrapped across her somewhat generous rack, holding them up and shielding herself from a distinct R rating, but she is still topless...in the middle of the afternoon...for no reason...while everyone is wandering around the house. Why???????????? Mind you, she's not hot. She's over 6 foot, overweight (not that I'm the pot calling her black), and a Norwegian looking giantess. She could take out small children with one fell swoop.

I am no prude. Walking into the kitchen in your underwear at 3am to get ice cream is one thing. Topless afternoons are another. Not that I really care. They're boobs. It's just random. I care more about the electric bill than this because it has a more direct effect on me. The boyfriend has no interest in a topless Amazon roommate, so it's not a jealousy thing. I just don't get it. It's like she's trying to prove something. The girl is strange. From a strange planet called Minnesota.

the lights are on, but nobody is home

Again with the lights being left on?!?!?!?! Is it that hard? I quite obviously walked intentionally from the kitchen to the bathroom (in plain view of their open bedroom door) to do nothing but flick the switch off. I avoided making direct eye contact, as I figured that would cross the extreme passive aggression line, but I was very obvious about my efforts.

Mild passive aggression is better, maybe not more mature or effective, but better. Or at least that's what I tell myself.

no not sun and jin

Oh, Lost. Perhaps your most shocking and emotional episode to date, although it's hard to judge the first four seasons as I viewed them in rapid succession on DVD. The tears were nonstop for the last 15 minutes of the episode. I really wish they could have killed off anyone else.

is it my "overactive imagination" or did this book just suck???

As an unabashed bookworm I am inevitably prone to hold different standards as far as the kind of books I read. Although I embrace recommendations (sometimes it's just hard to keep an open mind while browsing aisles and aisles of the literary universe. As inane as it may sound to warn against judging a book by it's cover, that is exactly what happens.) I always evaluate where that recommendation came from. If you're telling me that The Notebook is your favorite book I'm clearly not going to take anything else you say seriously. However, I have a love/hate kinda thing for chick lit. I guess you could consider it one of my guilty pleasures. I'm not talking Harlequin romances or that torturous drivel from Mr. Sparks, but somewhat decently well-written, clever but not too clever, predictable in it's seeming unpredictability chick lit. Not a romance novel, but a novel in which a strong modern woman overcomes outstanding obstacles and manages to find love while still maintaining her independence. Obviously I recognize the lack of certain redeeming qualities. And it never fulfills my ambitions in an intellectual sense, but sometimes you're looking for something that reads a little easier than Tess D'Ubervilles.

I've learned to curb my love affair with buying books as I get older, so I got a library card. And I only allow myself to go into bookstores when I'm absolutely poor. As snobby as I get about library books, I still force myself to do the sensible thing. I try not to think about the lack of that fresh paper smell or the thought of how many unknown individuals have molested those public pages. I pretend not to hear the crinkle of the cellophane-like protective covering or see the mysterious brown splotch on page 173 (is it blood? A-1? chocolate?). Instead I focus on the reading. I focus on the words.

Recently I stopped by the library here in Kailua in the later afternoon after some chores in town. After a few brief minutes of browsing I heard them announce they'd be closing in 10 minutes. WTF? The library closes at 5? What's that about? My library back in MI (forever known as the greatest library in the world) closed at 8 or 9. I know banks that stay open later than 5. Also, why hadn't I been informed upon entering? I frantically started perusing the spines of the books. (I'd say I was perusing the titles, but that's not all I take in. The script used and the integrity of the spine also factor in to the book selection. They'll tell you a lot about the book before even picking it up. Now, this is not intentionally done. It's more a subconscious judgment.) I managed to pick two books out, the last one quite spontaneously, just as I heard that the circulation desk was now closed. Closed? I still had 5 minutes and now they claim it's closed without warning? I spotted a lady still left in line so I snuck in hoping they'd accept me as well. And they did.

Unfortunately I could have used a few more minutes for my book selection. The last book I had chosen was not even readable. I tried, I swear, but I couldn't. And then there was the chick lit. It was by the same author as Bridget Jones' Diary (Helen Fielding), so I figured it was a safe bet. Not that BJD is Pulitzer worthy, but at least you know what you're working with. While it fell under the readable category, it was painful. Word of wise to aspiring novelists out there, try not to make your antagonist irritating as shit. Also, while character development flaws may occur, try not to have them conflict with major themes of the book. For instance, the heroine was known as being paranoid to the nth degree, like carrying a hatpin on her at all times to defend against assailants, yet despite her "overactive imagination" she didn't hesitate one second before taking a swig from a bottle of tequila given to her by recent acquaintances on a remote island in the middle of the Pacific. Really? I'm not the most paranoid individual and I wouldn't dare. Just dumb. I'm not going to say Fielding is riding on her BJD success. Actually, I'm not even sure of the chronological order of her books, but I expected more. While there is little argument that Bridget wasn't aggravating in her own way, she still maintained a level of lovableness. While I wanted to strangle her, it was merely to awaken herself to her own idiocy, not to cause death. Oh well, perhaps I should embark on an actual piece of literature next time. It will be a welcome change.

a letter: dear flat-iron kiosk lady at ala moana

Let's, for one moment, ignore the fact that this is certainly not the first time you've accosted me while I shop. Let's instead pretend that I've never tried to avoid eye contact with you as I hurriedly rush by, trying to feign interest in whatever items are available in the nearest store window.

Why are you asking me if I want to try your product? Now, I know it is not YOUR product. I know you are simply trying to pay the bills. Chances are you did not invent that miraculous flat-iron you have there. Nor did you manufacture it. Times are rough and I am sympathetic to your plight. You took an unsatisfactory job because it was a job. But look at my hair. Pray tell, what are you going to show me? My hair is stick straight. Why? Because I straightened it earlier today with my own flat-iron. If your job is to sell me on that flat-iron, what incredulous and persuasive results do you expect to get from the experience? Do you expect me to go for it? I don't understand. Are you even trying at your job anymore?

I don't blame you if you aren't.

Perhaps sales isn't your future.

Sincerely,
Concerned Patron

what's the opposite of energy efficient?

Why are my roommates incapable of turning the lights off when leaving a room??? Now I understand what my parents were bitching about for years. When you leave a room, turn off the damn light!

Thank God we don't have a thermostat to deal with.

no beach for me

I swear, every day I have off the weather is total crap. And I'm really not exaggerating. Each week there's a handful of perfect beach days. Then Monday rolls around and, lo and behold, it's completely overcast. I would rather it pour rain if it's going to be this dreary. At least then I could get a chilly, curl up and watch movies sort of day. This is just dull and pointless, as is seen in the pic of my front yard below.



Gross.

Normally I aspire to hit the beach on days off, especially since the boyfriend and I acquired some moderately priced snorkel equipment last month. It may be near impossible to get him out of bed in time to enjoy the beaches of Lanikai, but I sure as hell am not going to let $50 of aquatic sporting gear go to waste! But alas, the sun does not want to cooperate.

Today I planned a biking excursion. I started the South Beach Diet once again on Friday and, in an effort to encourage my formerly somewhat svelte self to return, I decided some exercise was necessary. The beach was out already and I have a strong aversion to gyms, so the logical choice was an intense bike ride around the area. And then I rescued my bike from the garage. Apparently the garage was not sheltered enough for the bicicleta. The rust and creakiness factors were enough for me to call it quits. While I would have trusted it enough to get me to Blockbuster in town, I was not about to drive into the unknown only to have to drag the thing back had the chain snapped.

So my day remained relatively exercise-free. I did, however, make myself a fantastic SB friendly Indian inspired meal.



Mmm tomato beef curry with mushrooms and zucchini.

recipe for disaster, of the delicious variety

Times are rough. Sometimes you're forced to do something with whatever random items left in your fridge. This week I made the world's tastiest sandwich.

Ingredients: (measurements are approximate, adjust to taste)
2 slices of bread (personally, I used generic wheat because that's what I had on hand)
2/3 cup diced steak bits (I happened to have leftover medium rare ribeye, but I suppose improvisation would do)
1/2 cup each sauteed onions and mushrooms, seasoned with salt and pepper
1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese
2 tbs. softened butter
2 tbs. sweet onion mustard (I used a version from up country Maui, but Vidalia would do nicely too)

Now the key ingredient here is really the cheese. I used an Irish sharp cheddar made with Porter that I found at Costco.



Funky looking, yes. But delicious and not in the least bit scary. If forced to choose a substitute I would go with a Tillamook sharp white cheddar.

So to start, slather one side each of both pieces of bread. Place the first slice, butter side down in a small frying pan. Arrange your beef on the bread, then arrange your sauteed onions and mushrooms on top of that. If either the beef or the vegetables aren't seasoned properly (salt, pepper, maybe a little garlic powder), now is the time to make up for it. Then arrange your cheese on top. If you prefer you can thinly slice the cheese instead of grating. Now place the remaining slice of bread on top with the butter facing up.

Cook on medium until the bottom slice is toasted and firm enough to get a generous sized spatula under. Flip the sandwich over.

Now, this is where it gets difficult. No matter what, you're going to have pieces of steak, onion, and mushroom escape. No worries, just try to keep it to a minimum. The larger the spatula, the more successful you'll be. The important part is to keep the sandwich's form. You can always stuff everything back in after cooking.

Once both sides are golden brown, peel away the top layer of bread and spread on the mustard. Replace the bread and dig in.

more cheese please

As delicious as their presumably authentic Philly Cheesesteaks are, in that deliciously greasy cheesy guilty secret way, I find it rather presumptuous to claim you have the WORLD'S BEST Philadelphia cheesesteak when you're located in Kailua. I mean, I've never been to Philadelphia and therefore have never tasted the real deal, but we're 8,000 miles away for pete's sake. Perhaps not the best tagline.

sláinte

Technically I'm a mixed breed, but I identify mostly with my British Isles ancestors, specifically the Irish. (The only other contributors, that I know of, to my genetic makeup being the French and Dutch.) Therefore, St. Patrick's day has always held a different level of significance for me than it does for most. With the decreased rate of an actual Irish population here in Hawaii, I suppose that's the case even more.

Forget green beer. Give me a Guinness.

I'm not aiming to be pretentious about it. On the contrary, I'm glad everyone enjoys celebrating. After all, I wasn't born in Ireland either. I just don't like it when culturally ignorant people use it as their weekly excuse to get obnoxiously drunk.

So when I saw this local fellow taking a breather on the curb during the block party, I had to give him his dues.



Obviously he put forth effort. That hat kicks ass.

Only in Hawaii.